Baby Makes Three...: August 2008

I'm not sure if this is something that all women experience, but in the days after Max's delivery, I couldn't stop replaying the events in my head. Jeff and I told the story countless times to our friends and family. Max is now two weeks old and I still revisit the experience often. So, I'm going to tell the story one more time. It's a little long and maybe "too much info" at times, but it's my story!

On Saturday July 26, 2008 Jeff and I spent the entire day at Christ Hospital for our birthing class. Our instructor, Tepu, was knowledgeable and made the material interesting. Throughout the day we learned many things about the birthing process and even got to practice some relaxation and breathing techniques. Tepu told us about how induction and c-section rates are skyrocketing in our country. Most c-section are completely unnecessary and Tepu empowered us to ask questions and gave some ideas for how to avoid this major surgery. We also learned that incisions for c-sections are typically horizontal across the lowest part of the abdomen. However, in true emergency situations when the baby must be delivered quickly, an incision is made vertically from the belly button to the pubic bone. At the end of the day we got a tour of the Labor and Delivery unit. The rooms all had gorgeous city views and beautiful hardwood floors. There was a large whirlpool tub on the floor that anyone could use during labor. I left feeling excited to experience my labor and delivery in such a comfortable space. I also felt that when the time came, I would be in control of my birthing experience.

That evening, Jeff and I had 8:00 reservations with our friends Chris and Ashley at Seny's, a small tapas restaurant. I asked Jeff to take a picture of me on our porch before we left so that I would have a 37 week belly shot. Our dinner was amazingly good and I even treated myself to a little sangria. Towards the end of dinner I started to feel a little bit crampy. I went to the bathroom and notice a slight tinge of very light pink blood. I was surprised but excited by this because I knew it could mean that labor was not too far off. However, from that point my cramps became more intense. I wasn't sure if this pain was contractions, but I knew that I needed to get out of that restaurant. The four of us were eating dessert and I made a comment that my tummy wasn't feeling well. I tried to tell Jeff under my breath that I was having cramps and needed to leave. But, I was so unsure of what was happening that I felt too awkward to announce to the table what I had just discovered in the bathroom. We eventually left and I found just walking to be pretty painful. The car ride home was pretty miserable. I could tell that I was leaking something, and I knew that this was the real deal.

As soon as I got home I began gushing blood. It was literally pouring out of me. I thought that this was my water breaking and I'm still not sure if my water actually did break. I can't remember if I called my mom (who was in New York with my dad, visiting Daniel) or my doctor first. I know that I had to leave a message with the doctor and it took maybe 10 minutes for him to call me back. Jeff and I were frantically trying to get the hospital bag together and attempting to time contractions. I was in constant pain, but at times it got much worse and then would subside ever so slightly. When the doctor finally called me back I tried to convey the amount of bleeding that I was experiencing. He calmly told me to head to the hospital and then asked if it was my first delivery (I assume because he wanted to gage how long I might be in labor).

The ride back to Christ Hospital was excruciating. I was in so much pain and every bump and turn put me over the edge. I called my mom again and I remember how surprisingly calm she was and that I said " I just wasn't expecting so much blood." She never let on that she knew this was not normal. I also called Jenna and sent text messages to Amy and Kate. I was excited to let my friends know that I was in labor. At this point, I am still envisioning a perfect labor in a beautiful room with Jeff at my side encouraging me to breathe.

When we checked in at Labor and Delivery, the person at the desk felt no urgency even after I told her several times that my water broke and that I was bleeding a lot. I remember looking at my watch while I was standing there filling out paperwork and it was exactly 11pm. Finally, a nurse, Sally, came to the desk to take me to triage, but when I told her that I was bleeding she took me directly to a L&D room. She was friendly and asked me normal questions about my due date, number of pregnancies, etc. I remember feeling like I couldn't make the short walk to the room. I stopped a couple times because I was in so much pain. Once I got to the room Sally, who was the picture of calm reassurance at this point, asked me to change into a gown. I went in the bathroom by myself and was shaking because I was now feeling nervous and couldn't believe that I was actually going to have a baby. And I had no idea what to do with all of the blood that was coming out of me. After I got into bed, Sally then saw the amount of blood and immediately everything changed. Sally's calm voice became hurried and high pitched. She called a resident and hooked me up to a fetal heartbeat monitor. I knew things were not good when she had a hard time finding the heartbeat. Things became very crazy and frantic at this point. I was laying in a bed on my right side and Jeff was at my back. He was holding my hand and rubbing my back, but I couldn't see his face. Doctors, nurses and technicians began pouring into my room. People were shouting at each other and no one was talking me or Jeff. I was quickly given an IV and the resident OB gave me a very rough and painful exam. At this point, I was pretty sure I was going to have a c-section. I heard Sally say, "We need to get consent." In response to this I hear a doctor from across the room say, "You're having a c-section." No one told me exactly why, but I knew it was bad. I also remember hearing someone saying something about there being no time for an epidural. Jeff and I had not spoken since I'd entered the room. I looked at Sally and whimpered, "Can my husband be in the room with me?" She gave a short, apologetic "No."I melted into tears. Jeff immediately was in my ear reassuring me that everything would be okay and that he loved me. I have no idea what I said back to him, if anything.

As I'm being wheeled out of the beautiful L&D room, where I spent maybe 15 minutes, I noticed Jeff's parents in the hallway, but I was crying too hard to acknowledge them. The yelling between doctors and nurses continued in the hallway and in the OR. I have no idea how I did it, but at that moment I remembered some of my yoga meditation techniques, I closed my eyes, took deep breaths and kept repeating to myself, "I can do this. Other women have done this. I can do this." Once in the OR, I was instructed to climb onto the operating table. I was in a lot of pain and I tried to move gingerly, but I remember a not so gentle voice saying, "Come on. You need to get on the table." After this I never opened my eyes again. I was too afraid what I might see. I became aware of loud male voice cussing up a storm. I tried not to let it bother me, but really I wanted to tell him to shut up. Without warning, I was quickly given a catheter (not a pleasant experience). Next thing I know, the gruff voice of the cussing man was in my ear saying, "You just listen to my voice. I'm right here with you. I'm going to give you some oxygen and make you comfortable." So the loud mouth, cussing anaesthesiologist was now in charge of making me feel comfortable, lovely. He put an oxygen mask over my face, but I had a suffocating feeling. I tried saying, "I can't breathe" several times, but no one seemed to notice. I frantically reached my left hand around trying to get someone's attention. I happened to grab someone's sleeve and I immediately heard Sally's voice. She grabbed my hand and told me that she was with me and that she would hold my hand. This is the last thing I remember before Max was born. Minutes later Max was cut out of me at 11:29pm. Just 29 minutes after I was standing at the desk filling out paperwork.

When I came to, Jeff was at my left side and Sally was at my right, just as they had been in the L&D room. I was so disoriented I thought I was back in that room, but I was actually in a recovery room. I'm not sure what I said, but I know that Jeff told me that the baby was born and he was doing fine. I was told how small he was (4lbs 3.7oz) and that he was in the special care nursery. This made me cry once again. I later learned that Max's first Apgar score was a 1 and a nurse had to resuscitate him. I was in an incredible amount of pain. Apparently, I was given no pain meds during the surgery and very little immediately after because I had lost so much blood. Sally asked me several times to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10. 10 being the worst pain I've ever had. Everytime my answer was 10. Sally also had the unfortunate task of applying force to my abdomen every few minutes to make sure that my uterus was contracting. Everytime she did this my pain skyrocketed off the 1-10 scale. I'm not exactly sure when I found out that my placenta had ruptured, but I when I looked down and saw a huge vertical incision, I knew that something very serious had just happened.

After I was allowed to leave the recovery room (I have no idea how long I was there), they wheeled my bed into the special care nursery so that I could see my baby. Jeff had already been in the nursery to check on the baby and he was so proud and happy. He knew everything would be okay, but I was feeling pretty devastated by the whole situation. I was not allowed to hold him (Max was not given his name until later the next day), but I did reach out and touch his tiny, soft hand. I could hardly see him through the tears pouring out of my eyes, but he looked so perfect despite all of the cords and tubes attached to him. If they would have let me, I would have stayed there all night, but eventually I was taken back to my room (which was nowhere near as nice as the L&D room) and finally given an IV of pain meds with my own little red button that I could push anytime I felt like I needed more pain relief. I pushed that button several times and feel into a deep sleep.

The doctors are not exactly sure what caused my placenta to rupture or why Max is so small. Even though he was three weeks early, he was considered full-term, and was expected to weigh more than 4lbs. My blood pressure was very high the night of my delivery (even though it had been normal just three days prior at my 36 week OB appointment) and continued to be slightly elevated during my hospital stay. One OB said that preeclampsia may have been the cause. I was told that I will be considered high-risk for my future pregnancies because of this. I have not done any research on ruptured placentas, but I have heard enough to know that Max and I are very lucky to have both survived. Max spent just two days in the special care nursery and was released from the hospital with me. Considering the way he entered the world, it is truly amazing that he has no health problems. We are working hard to get him to gain weight. Max is a miracle in so many ways and everyday with him is a special adventure.